উইলিয়াম শেক্সপিয়ার
Enter KING CLAUDIUS, QUEEN GERTRUDE, ROSENCRANTZ, GUILDENSTERN, and Attendants
KING CLAUDIUS
Welcome, dear Rosencrantz and Guildenstern!
 Moreover that we much did long to see you,
 The need we have to use you did provoke
 Our hasty sending. Something have you heard
 Of Hamlet’s transformation; so call it,
 Sith nor the exterior nor the inward man
 Resembles that it was. What it should be,
 More than his father’s death, that thus hath put him
 So much from the understanding of himself,
 I cannot dream of: I entreat you both,
 That, being of so young days brought up with him,
 And sith so neighbour’d to his youth and havior,
 That you vouchsafe your rest here in our court
 Some little time: so by your companies
 To draw him on to pleasures, and to gather,
 So much as from occasion you may glean,
 Whether aught, to us unknown, afflicts him thus,
 That, open’d, lies within our remedy.
QUEEN GERTRUDE
Good gentlemen, he hath much talk’d of you;
 And sure I am two men there are not living
 To whom he more adheres. If it will please you
 To show us so much gentry and good will
 As to expend your time with us awhile,
 For the supply and profit of our hope,
 Your visitation shall receive such thanks
 As fits a king’s remembrance.
ROSENCRANTZ
Both your majesties
 Might, by the sovereign power you have of us,
 Put your dread pleasures more into command
 Than to entreaty.
GUILDENSTERN
But we both obey,
 And here give up ourselves, in the full bent
 To lay our service freely at your feet,
 To be commanded.
KING CLAUDIUS
Thanks, Rosencrantz and gentle Guildenstern.
QUEEN GERTRUDE
Thanks, Guildenstern and gentle Rosencrantz:
 And I beseech you instantly to visit
 My too much changed son. Go, some of you,
 And bring these gentlemen where Hamlet is.
GUILDENSTERN
Heavens make our presence and our practises
 Pleasant and helpful to him!
QUEEN GERTRUDE
Ay, amen!
Exeunt ROSENCRANTZ, GUILDENSTERN, and some Attendants
Enter POLONIUS
LORD POLONIUS
The ambassadors from Norway, my good lord,
 Are joyfully return’d.
KING CLAUDIUS
Thou still hast been the father of good news.
LORD POLONIUS
Have I, my lord? I assure my good liege,
 I hold my duty, as I hold my soul,
 Both to my God and to my gracious king:
 And I do think, or else this brain of mine
 Hunts not the trail of policy so sure
 As it hath used to do, that I have found
 The very cause of Hamlet’s lunacy.
KING CLAUDIUS
O, speak of that; that do I long to hear.
LORD POLONIUS
Give first admittance to the ambassadors;
 My news shall be the fruit to that great feast.
KING CLAUDIUS
Thyself do grace to them, and bring them in.
Exit POLONIUS
He tells me, my dear Gertrude, he hath found
 The head and source of all your son’s distemper.
QUEEN GERTRUDE
I doubt it is no other but the main;
 His father’s death, and our o’erhasty marriage.
KING CLAUDIUS
Well, we shall sift him.
Re-enter POLONIUS, with VOLTIMAND and CORNELIUS
Welcome, my good friends!
 Say, Voltimand, what from our brother Norway?
VOLTIMAND
Most fair return of greetings and desires.
 Upon our first, he sent out to suppress
 His nephew’s levies; which to him appear’d
 To be a preparation ‘gainst the Polack;
 But, better look’d into, he truly found
 It was against your highness: whereat grieved,
 That so his sickness, age and impotence
 Was falsely borne in hand, sends out arrests
 On Fortinbras; which he, in brief, obeys;
 Receives rebuke from Norway, and in fine
 Makes vow before his uncle never more
 To give the assay of arms against your majesty.
 Whereon old Norway, overcome with joy,
 Gives him three thousand crowns in annual fee,
 And his commission to employ those soldiers,
 So levied as before, against the Polack:
 With an entreaty, herein further shown,
Giving a paper
That it might please you to give quiet pass
 Through your dominions for this enterprise,
 On such regards of safety and allowance
 As therein are set down.
KING CLAUDIUS
It likes us well;
 And at our more consider’d time well read,
 Answer, and think upon this business.
 Meantime we thank you for your well-took labour:
 Go to your rest; at night we’ll feast together:
 Most welcome home!
Exeunt VOLTIMAND and CORNELIUS
LORD POLONIUS
This business is well ended.
 My liege, and madam, to expostulate
 What majesty should be, what duty is,
 Why day is day, night night, and time is time,
 Were nothing but to waste night, day and time.
 Therefore, since brevity is the soul of wit,
 And tediousness the limbs and outward flourishes,
 I will be brief: your noble son is mad:
 Mad call I it; for, to define true madness,
 What is’t but to be nothing else but mad?
 But let that go.
QUEEN GERTRUDE
More matter, with less art.
LORD POLONIUS
Madam, I swear I use no art at all.
 That he is mad, ’tis true: ’tis true ’tis pity;
 And pity ’tis ’tis true: a foolish figure;
 But farewell it, for I will use no art.
 Mad let us grant him, then: and now remains
 That we find out the cause of this effect,
 Or rather say, the cause of this defect,
 For this effect defective comes by cause:
 Thus it remains, and the remainder thus. Perpend.
 I have a daughter—have while she is mine—
 Who, in her duty and obedience, mark,
 Hath given me this: now gather, and surmise.
Reads
‘To the celestial and my soul’s idol, the most
 beautified Ophelia,’—
 That’s an ill phrase, a vile phrase; ‘beautified’ is
 a vile phrase: but you shall hear. Thus:
Reads
‘In her excellent white bosom, these, & c.’
QUEEN GERTRUDE
Came this from Hamlet to her?
LORD POLONIUS
Good madam, stay awhile; I will be faithful.
Reads
‘Doubt thou the stars are fire;
 Doubt that the sun doth move;
 Doubt truth to be a liar;
 But never doubt I love.
 ‘O dear Ophelia, I am ill at these numbers;
 I have not art to reckon my groans: but that
 I love thee best, O most best, believe it. Adieu.
 ‘Thine evermore most dear lady, whilst
 this machine is to him, HAMLET.’
 This, in obedience, hath my daughter shown me,
 And more above, hath his solicitings,
 As they fell out by time, by means and place,
 All given to mine ear.
KING CLAUDIUS
But how hath she
 Received his love?
LORD POLONIUS
What do you think of me?
KING CLAUDIUS
As of a man faithful and honourable.
LORD POLONIUS
I would fain prove so. But what might you think,
 When I had seen this hot love on the wing—
 As I perceived it, I must tell you that,
 Before my daughter told me—what might you,
 Or my dear majesty your queen here, think,
 If I had play’d the desk or table-book,
 Or given my heart a winking, mute and dumb,
 Or look’d upon this love with idle sight;
 What might you think? No, I went round to work,
 And my young mistress thus I did bespeak:
 ‘Lord Hamlet is a prince, out of thy star;
 This must not be:’ and then I precepts gave her,
 That she should lock herself from his resort,
 Admit no messengers, receive no tokens.
 Which done, she took the fruits of my advice;
 And he, repulsed—a short tale to make—
 Fell into a sadness, then into a fast,
 Thence to a watch, thence into a weakness,
 Thence to a lightness, and, by this declension,
 Into the madness wherein now he raves,
 And all we mourn for.
KING CLAUDIUS
Do you think ’tis this?
QUEEN GERTRUDE
It may be, very likely.
LORD POLONIUS
Hath there been such a time—I’d fain know that—
 That I have positively said ‘Tis so,’
 When it proved otherwise?
KING CLAUDIUS
Not that I know.
LORD POLONIUS
[Pointing to his head and shoulder]
 Take this from this, if this be otherwise:
 If circumstances lead me, I will find
 Where truth is hid, though it were hid indeed
 Within the centre.
KING CLAUDIUS
How may we try it further?
LORD POLONIUS
You know, sometimes he walks four hours together
 Here in the lobby.
QUEEN GERTRUDE
So he does indeed.
LORD POLONIUS
At such a time I’ll loose my daughter to him:
 Be you and I behind an arras then;
 Mark the encounter: if he love her not
 And be not from his reason fall’n thereon,
 Let me be no assistant for a state,
 But keep a farm and carters.
KING CLAUDIUS
We will try it.
QUEEN GERTRUDE
But, look, where sadly the poor wretch comes reading.
LORD POLONIUS
Away, I do beseech you, both away:
 I’ll board him presently.
Exeunt KING CLAUDIUS, QUEEN GERTRUDE, and Attendants
Enter HAMLET, reading
O, give me leave:
 How does my good Lord Hamlet?
HAMLET
Well, God-a-mercy.
LORD POLONIUS
Do you know me, my lord?
HAMLET
Excellent well; you are a fishmonger.
LORD POLONIUS
Not I, my lord.
HAMLET
Then I would you were so honest a man.
LORD POLONIUS
Honest, my lord!
HAMLET
Ay, sir; to be honest, as this world goes, is to be
 one man picked out of ten thousand.
LORD POLONIUS
That’s very true, my lord.
HAMLET
For if the sun breed maggots in a dead dog, being a
 god kissing carrion,—Have you a daughter?
LORD POLONIUS
I have, my lord.
HAMLET
Let her not walk i’ the sun: conception is a
 blessing: but not as your daughter may conceive.
 Friend, look to ‘t.
LORD POLONIUS
[Aside] How say you by that? Still harping on my
 daughter: yet he knew me not at first; he said I
 was a fishmonger: he is far gone, far gone: and
 truly in my youth I suffered much extremity for
 love; very near this. I’ll speak to him again.
 What do you read, my lord?
HAMLET
Words, words, words.
LORD POLONIUS
What is the matter, my lord?
HAMLET
Between who?
LORD POLONIUS
I mean, the matter that you read, my lord.
HAMLET
Slanders, sir: for the satirical rogue says here
 that old men have grey beards, that their faces are
 wrinkled, their eyes purging thick amber and
 plum-tree gum and that they have a plentiful lack of
 wit, together with most weak hams: all which, sir,
 though I most powerfully and potently believe, yet
 I hold it not honesty to have it thus set down, for
 yourself, sir, should be old as I am, if like a crab
 you could go backward.
LORD POLONIUS
[Aside] Though this be madness, yet there is method
 in ‘t. Will you walk out of the air, my lord?
HAMLET
Into my grave.
LORD POLONIUS
Indeed, that is out o’ the air.
Aside
How pregnant sometimes his replies are! a happiness
 that often madness hits on, which reason and sanity
 could not so prosperously be delivered of. I will
 leave him, and suddenly contrive the means of
 meeting between him and my daughter.—My honourable
 lord, I will most humbly take my leave of you.
HAMLET
You cannot, sir, take from me any thing that I will
 more willingly part withal: except my life, except
 my life, except my life.
LORD POLONIUS
Fare you well, my lord.
HAMLET
These tedious old fools!
Enter ROSENCRANTZ and GUILDENSTERN
LORD POLONIUS
You go to seek the Lord Hamlet; there he is.
ROSENCRANTZ
[To POLONIUS] God save you, sir!
Exit POLONIUS
GUILDENSTERN
My honoured lord!
ROSENCRANTZ
My most dear lord!
HAMLET
My excellent good friends! How dost thou,
 Guildenstern? Ah, Rosencrantz! Good lads, how do ye both?
ROSENCRANTZ
As the indifferent children of the earth.
GUILDENSTERN
Happy, in that we are not over-happy;
 On fortune’s cap we are not the very button.
HAMLET
Nor the soles of her shoe?
ROSENCRANTZ
Neither, my lord.
HAMLET
Then you live about her waist, or in the middle of
 her favours?
GUILDENSTERN
‘Faith, her privates we.
HAMLET
In the secret parts of fortune? O, most true; she
 is a strumpet. What’s the news?
ROSENCRANTZ
None, my lord, but that the world’s grown honest.
HAMLET
Then is doomsday near: but your news is not true.
 Let me question more in particular: what have you,
 my good friends, deserved at the hands of fortune,
 that she sends you to prison hither?
GUILDENSTERN
Prison, my lord!
HAMLET
Denmark’s a prison.
ROSENCRANTZ
Then is the world one.
HAMLET
A goodly one; in which there are many confines,
 wards and dungeons, Denmark being one o’ the worst.
ROSENCRANTZ
We think not so, my lord.
HAMLET
Why, then, ’tis none to you; for there is nothing
 either good or bad, but thinking makes it so: to me
 it is a prison.
ROSENCRANTZ
Why then, your ambition makes it one; ’tis too
 narrow for your mind.
HAMLET
O God, I could be bounded in a nut shell and count
 myself a king of infinite space, were it not that I
 have bad dreams.
GUILDENSTERN
Which dreams indeed are ambition, for the very
 substance of the ambitious is merely the shadow of a dream.
HAMLET
A dream itself is but a shadow.
ROSENCRANTZ
Truly, and I hold ambition of so airy and light a
 quality that it is but a shadow’s shadow.
HAMLET
Then are our beggars bodies, and our monarchs and
 outstretched heroes the beggars’ shadows. Shall we
 to the court? for, by my fay, I cannot reason.
ROSENCRANTZ GUILDENSTERN
We’ll wait upon you.
HAMLET
No such matter: I will not sort you with the rest
 of my servants, for, to speak to you like an honest
 man, I am most dreadfully attended. But, in the
 beaten way of friendship, what make you at Elsinore?
ROSENCRANTZ
To visit you, my lord; no other occasion.
HAMLET
Beggar that I am, I am even poor in thanks; but I
 thank you: and sure, dear friends, my thanks are
 too dear a halfpenny. Were you not sent for? Is it
 your own inclining? Is it a free visitation? Come,
 deal justly with me: come, come; nay, speak.
GUILDENSTERN
What should we say, my lord?
HAMLET
Why, any thing, but to the purpose. You were sent
 for; and there is a kind of confession in your looks
 which your modesties have not craft enough to colour:
 I know the good king and queen have sent for you.
ROSENCRANTZ
To what end, my lord?
HAMLET
That you must teach me. But let me conjure you, by
 the rights of our fellowship, by the consonancy of
 our youth, by the obligation of our ever-preserved
 love, and by what more dear a better proposer could
 charge you withal, be even and direct with me,
 whether you were sent for, or no?
ROSENCRANTZ
[Aside to GUILDENSTERN] What say you?
HAMLET
[Aside] Nay, then, I have an eye of you.—If you
 love me, hold not off.
GUILDENSTERN
My lord, we were sent for.
HAMLET
I will tell you why; so shall my anticipation
 prevent your discovery, and your secrecy to the king
 and queen moult no feather. I have of late—but
 wherefore I know not—lost all my mirth, forgone all
 custom of exercises; and indeed it goes so heavily
 with my disposition that this goodly frame, the
 earth, seems to me a sterile promontory, this most
 excellent canopy, the air, look you, this brave
 o’erhanging firmament, this majestical roof fretted
 with golden fire, why, it appears no other thing to
 me than a foul and pestilent congregation of vapours.
 What a piece of work is a man! how noble in reason!
 how infinite in faculty! in form and moving how
 express and admirable! in action how like an angel!
 in apprehension how like a god! the beauty of the
 world! the paragon of animals! And yet, to me,
 what is this quintessence of dust? man delights not
 me: no, nor woman neither, though by your smiling
 you seem to say so.
ROSENCRANTZ
My lord, there was no such stuff in my thoughts.
HAMLET
Why did you laugh then, when I said ‘man delights not me’?
ROSENCRANTZ
To think, my lord, if you delight not in man, what
 lenten entertainment the players shall receive from
 you: we coted them on the way; and hither are they
 coming, to offer you service.
HAMLET
He that plays the king shall be welcome; his majesty
 shall have tribute of me; the adventurous knight
 shall use his foil and target; the lover shall not
 sigh gratis; the humourous man shall end his part
 in peace; the clown shall make those laugh whose
 lungs are tickled o’ the sere; and the lady shall
 say her mind freely, or the blank verse shall halt
 for’t. What players are they?
ROSENCRANTZ
Even those you were wont to take delight in, the
 tragedians of the city.
HAMLET
How chances it they travel? their residence, both
 in reputation and profit, was better both ways.
ROSENCRANTZ
I think their inhibition comes by the means of the
 late innovation.
HAMLET
Do they hold the same estimation they did when I was
 in the city? are they so followed?
ROSENCRANTZ
No, indeed, are they not.
HAMLET
How comes it? do they grow rusty?
ROSENCRANTZ
Nay, their endeavour keeps in the wonted pace: but
 there is, sir, an aery of children, little eyases,
 that cry out on the top of question, and are most
 tyrannically clapped for’t: these are now the
 fashion, and so berattle the common stages—so they
 call them—that many wearing rapiers are afraid of
 goose-quills and dare scarce come thither.
HAMLET
What, are they children? who maintains ’em? how are
 they escoted? Will they pursue the quality no
 longer than they can sing? will they not say
 afterwards, if they should grow themselves to common
 players—as it is most like, if their means are no
 better—their writers do them wrong, to make them
 exclaim against their own succession?
ROSENCRANTZ
‘Faith, there has been much to do on both sides; and
 the nation holds it no sin to tarre them to
 controversy: there was, for a while, no money bid
 for argument, unless the poet and the player went to
 cuffs in the question.
HAMLET
Is’t possible?
GUILDENSTERN
O, there has been much throwing about of brains.
HAMLET
Do the boys carry it away?
ROSENCRANTZ
Ay, that they do, my lord; Hercules and his load too.
HAMLET
It is not very strange; for mine uncle is king of
 Denmark, and those that would make mows at him while
 my father lived, give twenty, forty, fifty, an
 hundred ducats a-piece for his picture in little.
 ‘Sblood, there is something in this more than
 natural, if philosophy could find it out.
Flourish of trumpets within
GUILDENSTERN
There are the players.
HAMLET
Gentlemen, you are welcome to Elsinore. Your hands,
 come then: the appurtenance of welcome is fashion
 and ceremony: let me comply with you in this garb,
 lest my extent to the players, which, I tell you,
 must show fairly outward, should more appear like
 entertainment than yours. You are welcome: but my
 uncle-father and aunt-mother are deceived.
GUILDENSTERN
In what, my dear lord?
HAMLET
I am but mad north-north-west: when the wind is
 southerly I know a hawk from a handsaw.
Enter POLONIUS
LORD POLONIUS
Well be with you, gentlemen!
HAMLET
Hark you, Guildenstern; and you too: at each ear a
 hearer: that great baby you see there is not yet
 out of his swaddling-clouts.
ROSENCRANTZ
Happily he’s the second time come to them; for they
 say an old man is twice a child.
HAMLET
I will prophesy he comes to tell me of the players;
 mark it. You say right, sir: o’ Monday morning;
 ’twas so indeed.
LORD POLONIUS
My lord, I have news to tell you.
HAMLET
My lord, I have news to tell you.
 When Roscius was an actor in Rome,—
LORD POLONIUS
The actors are come hither, my lord.
HAMLET
Buz, buz!
LORD POLONIUS
Upon mine honour,—
HAMLET
Then came each actor on his ass,—
LORD POLONIUS
The best actors in the world, either for tragedy,
 comedy, history, pastoral, pastoral-comical,
 historical-pastoral, tragical-historical, tragical-
 comical-historical-pastoral, scene individable, or
 poem unlimited: Seneca cannot be too heavy, nor
 Plautus too light. For the law of writ and the
 liberty, these are the only men.
HAMLET
O Jephthah, judge of Israel, what a treasure hadst thou!
LORD POLONIUS
What a treasure had he, my lord?
HAMLET
Why,
 ‘One fair daughter and no more,
 The which he loved passing well.’
LORD POLONIUS
[Aside] Still on my daughter.
HAMLET
Am I not i’ the right, old Jephthah?
LORD POLONIUS
If you call me Jephthah, my lord, I have a daughter
 that I love passing well.
HAMLET
Nay, that follows not.
LORD POLONIUS
What follows, then, my lord?
HAMLET
Why,
 ‘As by lot, God wot,’
 and then, you know,
 ‘It came to pass, as most like it was,’—
 the first row of the pious chanson will show you
 more; for look, where my abridgement comes.
Enter four or five Players
You are welcome, masters; welcome, all. I am glad
 to see thee well. Welcome, good friends. O, my old
 friend! thy face is valenced since I saw thee last:
 comest thou to beard me in Denmark? What, my young
 lady and mistress! By’r lady, your ladyship is
 nearer to heaven than when I saw you last, by the
 altitude of a chopine. Pray God, your voice, like
 apiece of uncurrent gold, be not cracked within the
 ring. Masters, you are all welcome. We’ll e’en
 to’t like French falconers, fly at any thing we see:
 we’ll have a speech straight: come, give us a taste
 of your quality; come, a passionate speech.
First Player
What speech, my lord?
HAMLET
I heard thee speak me a speech once, but it was
 never acted; or, if it was, not above once; for the
 play, I remember, pleased not the million; ’twas
 caviare to the general: but it was—as I received
 it, and others, whose judgments in such matters
 cried in the top of mine—an excellent play, well
 digested in the scenes, set down with as much
 modesty as cunning. I remember, one said there
 were no sallets in the lines to make the matter
 savoury, nor no matter in the phrase that might
 indict the author of affectation; but called it an
 honest method, as wholesome as sweet, and by very
 much more handsome than fine. One speech in it I
 chiefly loved: ’twas Aeneas’ tale to Dido; and
 thereabout of it especially, where he speaks of
 Priam’s slaughter: if it live in your memory, begin
 at this line: let me see, let me see—
 ‘The rugged Pyrrhus, like the Hyrcanian beast,’—
 it is not so:—it begins with Pyrrhus:—
 ‘The rugged Pyrrhus, he whose sable arms,
 Black as his purpose, did the night resemble
 When he lay couched in the ominous horse,
 Hath now this dread and black complexion smear’d
 With heraldry more dismal; head to foot
 Now is he total gules; horridly trick’d
 With blood of fathers, mothers, daughters, sons,
 Baked and impasted with the parching streets,
 That lend a tyrannous and damned light
 To their lord’s murder: roasted in wrath and fire,
 And thus o’er-sized with coagulate gore,
 With eyes like carbuncles, the hellish Pyrrhus
 Old grandsire Priam seeks.’
 So, proceed you.
LORD POLONIUS
‘Fore God, my lord, well spoken, with good accent and
 good discretion.
First Player
‘Anon he finds him
 Striking too short at Greeks; his antique sword,
 Rebellious to his arm, lies where it falls,
 Repugnant to command: unequal match’d,
 Pyrrhus at Priam drives; in rage strikes wide;
 But with the whiff and wind of his fell sword
 The unnerved father falls. Then senseless Ilium,
 Seeming to feel this blow, with flaming top
 Stoops to his base, and with a hideous crash
 Takes prisoner Pyrrhus’ ear: for, lo! his sword,
 Which was declining on the milky head
 Of reverend Priam, seem’d i’ the air to stick:
 So, as a painted tyrant, Pyrrhus stood,
 And like a neutral to his will and matter,
 Did nothing.
 But, as we often see, against some storm,
 A silence in the heavens, the rack stand still,
 The bold winds speechless and the orb below
 As hush as death, anon the dreadful thunder
 Doth rend the region, so, after Pyrrhus’ pause,
 Aroused vengeance sets him new a-work;
 And never did the Cyclops’ hammers fall
 On Mars’s armour forged for proof eterne
 With less remorse than Pyrrhus’ bleeding sword
 Now falls on Priam.
 Out, out, thou strumpet, Fortune! All you gods,
 In general synod ‘take away her power;
 Break all the spokes and fellies from her wheel,
 And bowl the round nave down the hill of heaven,
 As low as to the fiends!’
LORD POLONIUS
This is too long.
HAMLET
It shall to the barber’s, with your beard. Prithee,
 say on: he’s for a jig or a tale of bawdry, or he
 sleeps: say on: come to Hecuba.
First Player
‘But who, O, who had seen the mobled queen—’
HAMLET
‘The mobled queen?’
LORD POLONIUS
That’s good; ‘mobled queen’ is good.
First Player
‘Run barefoot up and down, threatening the flames
 With bisson rheum; a clout upon that head
 Where late the diadem stood, and for a robe,
 About her lank and all o’er-teemed loins,
 A blanket, in the alarm of fear caught up;
 Who this had seen, with tongue in venom steep’d,
 ‘Gainst Fortune’s state would treason have
 pronounced:
 But if the gods themselves did see her then
 When she saw Pyrrhus make malicious sport
 In mincing with his sword her husband’s limbs,
 The instant burst of clamour that she made,
 Unless things mortal move them not at all,
 Would have made milch the burning eyes of heaven,
 And passion in the gods.’
LORD POLONIUS
Look, whether he has not turned his colour and has
 tears in’s eyes. Pray you, no more.
HAMLET
‘Tis well: I’ll have thee speak out the rest soon.
 Good my lord, will you see the players well
 bestowed? Do you hear, let them be well used; for
 they are the abstract and brief chronicles of the
 time: after your death you were better have a bad
 epitaph than their ill report while you live.
LORD POLONIUS
My lord, I will use them according to their desert.
HAMLET
God’s bodykins, man, much better: use every man
 after his desert, and who should ‘scape whipping?
 Use them after your own honour and dignity: the less
 they deserve, the more merit is in your bounty.
 Take them in.
LORD POLONIUS
Come, sirs.
HAMLET
Follow him, friends: we’ll hear a play to-morrow.
Exit POLONIUS with all the Players but the First
Dost thou hear me, old friend; can you play the
 Murder of Gonzago?
First Player
Ay, my lord.
HAMLET
We’ll ha’t to-morrow night. You could, for a need,
 study a speech of some dozen or sixteen lines, which
 I would set down and insert in’t, could you not?
First Player
Ay, my lord.
HAMLET
Very well. Follow that lord; and look you mock him
 not.
Exit First Player
My good friends, I’ll leave you till night: you are
 welcome to Elsinore.
ROSENCRANTZ
Good my lord!
HAMLET
Ay, so, God be wi’ ye;
Exeunt ROSENCRANTZ and GUILDENSTERN
Now I am alone.
 O, what a rogue and peasant slave am I!
 Is it not monstrous that this player here,
 But in a fiction, in a dream of passion,
 Could force his soul so to his own conceit
 That from her working all his visage wann’d,
 Tears in his eyes, distraction in’s aspect,
 A broken voice, and his whole function suiting
 With forms to his conceit? and all for nothing!
 For Hecuba!
 What’s Hecuba to him, or he to Hecuba,
 That he should weep for her? What would he do,
 Had he the motive and the cue for passion
 That I have? He would drown the stage with tears
 And cleave the general ear with horrid speech,
 Make mad the guilty and appal the free,
 Confound the ignorant, and amaze indeed
 The very faculties of eyes and ears. Yet I,
 A dull and muddy-mettled rascal, peak,
 Like John-a-dreams, unpregnant of my cause,
 And can say nothing; no, not for a king,
 Upon whose property and most dear life
 A damn’d defeat was made. Am I a coward?
 Who calls me villain? breaks my pate across?
 Plucks off my beard, and blows it in my face?
 Tweaks me by the nose? gives me the lie i’ the throat,
 As deep as to the lungs? who does me this?
 Ha!
 ‘Swounds, I should take it: for it cannot be
 But I am pigeon-liver’d and lack gall
 To make oppression bitter, or ere this
 I should have fatted all the region kites
 With this slave’s offal: bloody, bawdy villain!
 Remorseless, treacherous, lecherous, kindless villain!
 O, vengeance!
 Why, what an ass am I! This is most brave,
 That I, the son of a dear father murder’d,
 Prompted to my revenge by heaven and hell,
 Must, like a whore, unpack my heart with words,
 And fall a-cursing, like a very drab,
 A scullion!
 Fie upon’t! foh! About, my brain! I have heard
 That guilty creatures sitting at a play
 Have by the very cunning of the scene
 Been struck so to the soul that presently
 They have proclaim’d their malefactions;
 For murder, though it have no tongue, will speak
 With most miraculous organ. I’ll have these players
 Play something like the murder of my father
 Before mine uncle: I’ll observe his looks;
 I’ll tent him to the quick: if he but blench,
 I know my course. The spirit that I have seen
 May be the devil: and the devil hath power
 To assume a pleasing shape; yea, and perhaps
 Out of my weakness and my melancholy,
 As he is very potent with such spirits,
 Abuses me to damn me: I’ll have grounds
 More relative than this: the play ‘s the thing
 Wherein I’ll catch the conscience of the king.
Exit
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